Match Reports

Everton v Bournemouth Review
Weird week, that one. First, we didn’t get drawn against the shite in the cup and got a trip to the Football Factory instead. Then at our AGM Marcel Brands got promoted to the board for not being Stev... [Read More]
 
Everton v Lincoln City Review
“We’re in the fourth round of the FA Cup, yay! Time to praise our club for being victorious and starting us off on our adventure to Wembley this year! And-” oh no, wait, I’m an... [Read More]
 
Everton v Leicester City Review
Welcome to 2019, folks. Anyone expecting it’d be any better than 2018 are free to check themself into the nearest sanitarium and knit socks with their remaining brain matter. Only one day in and... [Read More]
 
Burnley v Everton Review
Well, that was weird, weren’t it? After getting stuffed by Tottenham just before Christmas, we were expecting a turkey of a game against Burnley. Instead we were rewarded with the delicious left... [Read More]
 
Man City v Everton Review
In this current hellscape we live in, you have to learn to appreciate the small victories. 12.30pm games in Manchester’s version of the Death Star mean you can be passed out from the ale before ... [Read More]
 
Everton v Watford Review
Realisation, or the sudden dawning of awareness, can affect people differently. Some will stick to their own deluded vision, blame everyone else for not believing hard enough, and then cancel a legall... [Read More]
 
Everton v Cardiff City Review
The weekend before the derby is always a weird one. Sure, the manager will be talking about just focusing on this game, but we’re not daft. Well, not most of us. Whether it’s against Cardi... [Read More]
 
Chelsea v Everton Review
A ‘good point’ is a weird term – It’s like being turned down for a date but with constructive criticism,  not an achievement but not really a failure either; “you’v... [Read More]
 
Everton v Brighton Review
We Evertonians are a weird bunch. Not as weird as that lot across the park and their overboard optimism (joint top of the league on points difference, don’t you know). Our kind of optimism is sa... [Read More]
 
Man United v Everton Review
Everton, that. Another visit to Old Trafford, another defeat. A tale as old as time (or 2013). It shows how much things have changed in recent months that we’re disappointed with losing 2-1 with... [Read More]
 

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